I mean that in the good way… after he stops being all evil and stuff ;)
Wishing You and Yours a Very Grinchy Christmas!
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Monthly Archives: December 2016
The Layperson’s Bible on sale for $0.99 from 12/26 to 1/1
Craig Reinhardt’s essay collection The Layperson’s Bible: Volume 1: Sexuality will be on sale for $0.99 from December 26th through January 1st. Mark your calendars!
As always, the book is also FREE with Kindle Unlimited.
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I was raised without religion. My mother was a lapsed Catholic, my father a lapsed Protestant. My understanding of Easter as a child was that it was that day you ate ham (as opposed to Christmas, which was that other day you ate turkey). I have been to regular church services exactly four times in my life, and I can’t say I remember much about them – except for the hymns. For that matter, I’ve been to Passover services exactly four times, too, with my ex-girlfriend. I seem to remember liking the music there, too.
In other words, apart from the singing, when it comes to the Judeo-Christian tradition, I haven’t a clue. I could not – and still cannot – tell you the difference between a Presbyterian and an Episcopalian or a Methodist and a Baptist. In addition, I grew up in New England, in an area where Jews were nearly as prevalent as Christians, and seemed to have nearly as many variations on their religious tradition as the Christians did. All of these different people, so much alike in their non-religious lives, yet each of them carrying a torch for some particular branch of a faith, the nuances of which I couldn’t begin to understand. What could they all have in common? The Bible, of course.
So I decided to read it. Yes, I read it, the whole thing, even the really boring parts about who begat whom ad infinitum. And you know what? It turns out that The Bible is really pretty interesting – particularly when you know next to nothing about the religions that use it as a basis for their doctrine and faith. And so I sat down and began analyzing what The Bible said to me as a layperson, someone with no emotional or historical attachment to its teachings and tenets. These volumes are the result of that analysis.
It is not my intention to judge the value, relevance, or accuracy of what The Bible says, nor do I pretend to be a religious scholar of any sort with special knowledge of biblical interpretation or history. Rather, I examine the meaning of what The Bible says to ME, an ordinary twenty-first century person without religious training or knowledge who has picked up The Good Book for the first time and said to himself, “Well, look at that! Who’d have thought that was in there all along?”
I had a lot of fun digging these gems out of our most famous work of literature, and I hope you’ll have fun reading them, too. This first volume is on everyone’s favorite subject: SEXUALITY. What does The Bible really say about homosexuality? About adultery, chastity, and incest? If you’re a layperson like me, I think you may be surprised by just what’s contained in those two testaments – and the impact those words have had upon our society down to this day.
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How Long Should My Query Letter Be?
Author Unknown
Photo courtesy of Geneva Vanderzeil, A Pair and a Spare, apairandasparediy.com https://www.flickr.com/photos/66755335@N05/14372481532
Licensed under Creative Commons 2.0 https://www.creativecommons.org/by/2.0
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On Hearing of My Mother’s Death Six Years After It Happened – Only $0.99 from 12/28 to 1/3
The Kindle version of my award-winning mental illness memoir On Hearing of My Mother’s Death Six Years After It Happened: A Daughter’s Memoir of Mental Illness will be on sale for just $0.99 from Wednesday, 12/28 through Tuesday, 1/3. Mark your calendars!
As always, the book is FREE with Kindle Unlimited.
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It was the spring of 1989. I was sixteen years old, a junior in high school and an honors student. I had what every teenager wants: a stable family, a nice home in the suburbs, a great group of friends, big plans for my future, and no reason to believe that any of that would ever change.
Then came my mother’s psychosis.
I experienced first-hand the terror of watching someone I loved transform into a monster, the terror of discovering that I was to be her primary victim. For years I’ve lived with the sadness of knowing that she, too, was a helpless victim – a victim of a terrible disease that consumed and destroyed the strong and caring woman I had once called Mom.
My mother’s illness took everything. My family, my home, my friends, my future. A year and a half later I would be living alone on the street on the other side of the country, wondering whether I could even survive on my own.
But I did. That was how my mother – my real mother – raised me. To survive.
She, too, was a survivor. It wasn’t until last year that I learned that she had died – in 2007. No one will ever know her side of the story now. But perhaps, at last, it’s time for me to tell mine.
***
Now available in eBook and paperback (both standard size and LARGE PRINT formats).
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Just the Three of Us – Only $0.99 from 12/28 to 1/3
My funny sexy romance Just the Three of Us: An Erotic Romantic Comedy for the Commitment-Challenged will be on sale for only $0.99 from Wednesday, December 28th through Tuesday, January 3rd. Mark your calendars!
As always, the book is FREE with Kindle Unlimited and is also available in audiobook on both Amazon and ITunes.
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Three close friends get too close for comfort in Just the Three of Us: An Erotic Romantic Comedy for the Commitment-Challenged.
Meet Kathy, a thirty-seven-year-old drifter who’s constantly on the move: to new towns, new jobs, and new relationships. Imagine her surprise when she’s befriended by lifelong friends Sam and Ted, attractive young men who, though ten years her junior, are far more settled than she thinks she’ll ever be. Cheer them on as their three-way friendship succumbs to passion, then passion to romance, and romance to… well, surely it couldn’t be love. Could it?
With plenty of heat, dialogue that will make you laugh out loud, and a plot to tickle your most sentimental of spots, Just the Three of Us is a funny and unusual friends-to-lovers romance that promises an entertaining read for fans of romance looking for a unique take on love and sexuality.
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Weekend Away: An Almost-Erotic, Almost-Love Story
I am pleased to announce the publication of my long short story Weekend Away: An Almost-Erotic, Almost-Love Story, now available in eBook exclusively on Amazon for only $0.99, or free with Kindle Unlimited.
“And then we were standing, rising up from the water, and as the droplets cascaded down my naked body I imagined myself as a mortal and less awe-inspiring version of Aphrodite, and Jesse as Poseidon, except with, um, only one prong in his trident.”
Cindy’s friend Jesse is great – especially when he gets out of her way after the “benefits” part of their evening is over. So when he proposes a weekend excursion at a nearby lake, she’s naturally suspicious – isn’t that the kind of thing “couples” do? Now she might never be able to get the smell of him off her…
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Jane Loves Snoopy
El culo Hannelack, o cómo aprendí a dejar de preocuparme y amar mi trasero
I am thrilled to announce the publication of the Spanish language translation of my humorous erotic short story The Hannelack Fanny, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Rump. Translated by Helen Rodriguez Gonzalez.
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Un fin de semana, unos pocos meses después del glorioso despertar de mi trasero, John y yo fuimos en un viaje por carretera. Me incliné a ambos lados y levanté mi falda hasta mis caderas para que pudiera descansar su mano en mi culo mientras conducía. El sol entraba a través del techo corredizo abierto y mi trasero se sentía cálido a pesar de su casi desnudez. ¡Cómo disfrutaba de esa sensación ahora!
De repente, el claxon de un tráiler sonó.
“¡Oye!”, oí a un hombre gritar. “¡Eh, gran carga!”
Hace un año, me habría mortificado. Ya no.
Voltee a mirar. Un semirremolque viajaba junto a nosotros. El copiloto me miraba el culo desnudo. El conductor se inclinaba, tratando de alcanzar a ver.
“¿Les gusta lo que ven, chicos?”, grité, moví mi cuerpo en el asiento para que mis nalgas se sacudieran.
“¡OOOOH-EEEEH! ¡Agita ese culo, mami! ”
En ese momento, algo se apoderó de mí. Era como si la bestia que por tanto tiempo había sido enjaulada en mi trasero, finalmente, se había liberado. Quería salir. Completamente.
Desabroché el cinturón de seguridad y salté a mi asiento. Me deslicé con esfuerzo a través del techo abierto, todo y culo. Me bajé la ropa interior, levanté mi falda, y me mostré al mundo. Hasta la última pulgada que se sacudía en mí.
“¡Miren mi culo!”, grité, golpeándolo duro con la palma. “¡Miren mi culo!”
Rebotaba, saltando arriba y abajo en el mismo lugar, y mi culo, tan inmenso como era, también rebotaba; su gordura aterrizaba en el techo caliente del auto para luego regresar hasta la cintura con alegre ritmo, mientras lo señalaba y reía.
“¡Miren mi culo!”
***
La vida de una joven mujer cambia para siempre cuando descubre lo que todos a su alrededor han sabido desde el principio: que un famoso rasgo familiar ha vuelto a aparecer en un lugar muy lamentable –su propio trasero. Sigue su camino desde la vergüenza, a la aceptación, hasta la desenfrenada alegría, a medida que aprende a apreciar las maravillas de ir por la vida con el culo Hannelack.
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Al Oír Sobre La Muerte de mi Madre Seis Años Después De Que Ocurrió: Memoria de una Hija Sobre Enfermedades Mentales
I am thrilled to announce the publication of the Spanish language translation of my memoir On Hearing of My Mother’s Death Six Years After It Happened: A Daughter’s Memoir of Mental Illness. Translated by Hector Molina.
Al Oír Sobre La Muerte de mi Madre Seis Años Después De Que Ocurrió: Memoria de una Hija Sobre Enfermedades Mentales
Era la primavera de 1989. Tenía dieciséis, era una estudiante honoraria de preparatoria. Tenía lo que toda adolescente quiere: una familia estable, un lindo hogar en los suburbios, un gran grupo de amigos, grandes planes para mi futuro, y ninguna razón para creer que nada de eso cambiaría.
Entonces llegó la psicosis de mi madre. Experminenté de primera mano el terror de ver a alguien que amaba transformarse en un montruo El terror de descubrir que yo sería su primera víctima. Durante años he vivido con la tristeza de saber que ella, también, era una víctima La víctima de una terrible enfermedad que la consumió y destruyó a la mujer fuerte y cuidadosa que una vez llamé Mamá.
La enfermedad de mi madre se llevó todo. Mi familia, mi hogar, mis amigos, mi futuro. Año y medio más tarde estaría viviendo sola en la calle del otro lado del país, preguntándome si podría sobrevivir por mi cuenta. Pero lo hice. Así es como mi madre mi madre real me crió. Para sobrevivir.
Ella, también, era una sobreviviente. No fue hasta el año pasado que me enteré de que había muerto en 2007. Nadie sabrá nunca su lado de la historia ahora. Pero tal vez, por fin, ha llegado el momento para que yo digo la mía.
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Here’s What’s on Top of My Christmas Tree – What’s on Yours?
That’s right – I have my very own Abominable Snow Monster! For years now he’s been coming by once a year in order to place a star on top of my tree. Is it wrong that this is my favorite part of Christmas? I’m neither very sentimental nor very religious, but somehow seeing the Abominable hovering at the top of my tree fills me with… well, I guess you’d have to call it Christmas spirit. So what’s on the top of your Christmas tree?
Lori Schafer's Short Subjects I Feel Like Writing About 