Category Archives: The Layperson’s Bible: All the Weird and Interesting Stuff You Had No Idea Was in There

Last Day to get Sex! in the Bible FREE for Kindle

Ever wonder what The Bible really says about homosexuality? About adultery, chastity, and incest? If you’re interested in sex and the history of sexuality like me, you may be surprised by just what’s contained in those two testaments – and the impact those words have had upon our society down to this day.

Sex! in the Bible is FREE through Monday, August 6th. Download your copy today!

As always, the book is also FREE with Kindle Unlimited.

Sex in the Bible

The Layperson’s Bible: Volume 1, Sexuality is FREE through Monday

Craig Reinhardt’s essay collection The Layperson’s Bible: Volume 1: Sexuality is FREE through Monday, July 9th. Download your copy today!

As always, the book is also FREE with Kindle Unlimited.

***

I was raised without religion. My mother was a lapsed Catholic, my father a lapsed Protestant. My understanding of Easter as a child was that it was that day you ate ham (as opposed to Christmas, which was that other day you ate turkey). I have been to regular church services exactly four times in my life, and I can’t say I remember much about them – except for the hymns. For that matter, I’ve been to Passover services exactly four times, too, with my ex-girlfriend. I seem to remember liking the music there, too.

In other words, apart from the singing, when it comes to the Judeo-Christian tradition, I haven’t a clue. I could not – and still cannot – tell you the difference between a Presbyterian and an Episcopalian or a Methodist and a Baptist. In addition, I grew up in New England, in an area where Jews were nearly as prevalent as Christians, and seemed to have nearly as many variations on their religious tradition as the Christians did. All of these different people, so much alike in their non-religious lives, yet each of them carrying a torch for some particular branch of a faith, the nuances of which I couldn’t begin to understand. What could they all have in common? The Bible, of course.

So I decided to read it. Yes, I read it, the whole thing, even the really boring parts about who begat whom ad infinitum. And you know what? It turns out that The Bible is really pretty interesting – particularly when you know next to nothing about the religions that use it as a basis for their doctrine and faith. And so I sat down and began analyzing what The Bible said to me as a layperson, someone with no emotional or historical attachment to its teachings and tenets. These volumes are the result of that analysis.

It is not my intention to judge the value, relevance, or accuracy of what The Bible says, nor do I pretend to be a religious scholar of any sort with special knowledge of biblical interpretation or history. Rather, I examine the meaning of what The Bible says to ME, an ordinary twenty-first century person without religious training or knowledge who has picked up The Good Book for the first time and said to himself, “Well, look at that! Who’d have thought that was in there all along?”

I had a lot of fun digging these gems out of our most famous work of literature, and I hope you’ll have fun reading them, too. This first volume is on everyone’s favorite subject: SEXUALITY. What does The Bible really say about homosexuality? About adultery, chastity, and incest? If you’re a layperson like me, I think you may be surprised by just what’s contained in those two testaments – and the impact those words have had upon our society down to this day.

laypersons-bible-i

The Layperson’s Bible on sale for $0.99 from 12/26 to 1/1

Craig Reinhardt’s essay collection The Layperson’s Bible: Volume 1: Sexuality will be on sale for $0.99 from December 26th through January 1st. Mark your calendars!

As always, the book is also FREE with Kindle Unlimited.

***

I was raised without religion. My mother was a lapsed Catholic, my father a lapsed Protestant. My understanding of Easter as a child was that it was that day you ate ham (as opposed to Christmas, which was that other day you ate turkey). I have been to regular church services exactly four times in my life, and I can’t say I remember much about them – except for the hymns. For that matter, I’ve been to Passover services exactly four times, too, with my ex-girlfriend. I seem to remember liking the music there, too.

In other words, apart from the singing, when it comes to the Judeo-Christian tradition, I haven’t a clue. I could not – and still cannot – tell you the difference between a Presbyterian and an Episcopalian or a Methodist and a Baptist. In addition, I grew up in New England, in an area where Jews were nearly as prevalent as Christians, and seemed to have nearly as many variations on their religious tradition as the Christians did. All of these different people, so much alike in their non-religious lives, yet each of them carrying a torch for some particular branch of a faith, the nuances of which I couldn’t begin to understand. What could they all have in common? The Bible, of course.

So I decided to read it. Yes, I read it, the whole thing, even the really boring parts about who begat whom ad infinitum. And you know what? It turns out that The Bible is really pretty interesting – particularly when you know next to nothing about the religions that use it as a basis for their doctrine and faith. And so I sat down and began analyzing what The Bible said to me as a layperson, someone with no emotional or historical attachment to its teachings and tenets. These volumes are the result of that analysis.

It is not my intention to judge the value, relevance, or accuracy of what The Bible says, nor do I pretend to be a religious scholar of any sort with special knowledge of biblical interpretation or history. Rather, I examine the meaning of what The Bible says to ME, an ordinary twenty-first century person without religious training or knowledge who has picked up The Good Book for the first time and said to himself, “Well, look at that! Who’d have thought that was in there all along?”

I had a lot of fun digging these gems out of our most famous work of literature, and I hope you’ll have fun reading them, too. This first volume is on everyone’s favorite subject: SEXUALITY. What does The Bible really say about homosexuality? About adultery, chastity, and incest? If you’re a layperson like me, I think you may be surprised by just what’s contained in those two testaments – and the impact those words have had upon our society down to this day.

laypersons-bible-i

The Layperson’s Bible: In Which God Prohibits Spandex

“Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woolen and linen together.” (Deuteronomy 22:11)

That’s right. Blended fabrics are prohibited. God must have foreseen the invention of polyester, and tried to head it off, but thou art a stiff-necked people. Don’t feel too bad, though, because apparently only some Native American Indian tribes (and perhaps some cowboys) were getting it right, anyhow:

“Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest thyself.” (Deuteronomy 22:12)

In honor of Easter.

OpenBible

The Layperson’s Bible: Military Policy – Part I

A large portion of the second half of the Old Testament depicts the wars in which the Israelites engaged in occupying the land that the Lord had promised them. However, the rules of conduct for military engagements were laid out as early as Deuteronomy, which reassures the people first and foremost that the Lord will guide them successfully through their battles, however poor the odds:

“When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou, be not afraid of them: for the Lord thy God is with thee, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.” (Deuteronomy 20:1)

But God does not necessarily promote warfare; indeed, he commands that peaceful measures first be employed to subdue the cities proposed to be conquered:

“When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it, then proclaim peace unto it.
And it shall be, if it make thee answer of peace, and open unto thee, then it shall be, that all the people that is found therein shall be tributaries unto thee, and they shall serve thee.
And if it will make no peace with thee, but will make war against thee, then thou shalt besiege it:” (Deuteronomy 20:10-12)


In modern times we perceive war as a consequence of conflicts between countries rather than as a means of gaining tributes or territories; indeed, the international community frowns severely upon wars of conquest. But the old-fashioned Biblical view was not so; peace is offered only as a less bloody alternative to war. There is no discussion and no compromise; the end result will be the same whichever means is chosen: total subjugation of the city involved.

The treatment of the subjugated peoples, too, strikes the modern ear as hopelessly barbarian:

“And when the Lord thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword:
But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the Lord thy God hath given thee.” (Deuteronomy 20:13-14)


And woe unto the particular enemies of the Lord, of whom not even the women and children shall be spared:

“But of the cities of these people, which the Lord thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth:
But thou shalt utterly destroy them; namely, the Hittites, and the Amorites, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee:
That they teach you not to do after all their abominations, which they have done unto their gods; so should ye sin against the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 20:16-18)


Again we see the idea of the land itself becoming defiled by the acts of its inhabitants. Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed with fire and brimstone; the land of the Israelites will be purged through warfare. Yet it is not to be a holy war according to the modern conception, in which the followers of one religion shall supersede another owing to any perceived superiority of faith or belief. War is not a symbol of the triumph of good over evil, or even a means of restoring historic territorial rights. Success in war is granted not as a reward for the righteous conduct of the chosen people, but rather as a punishment for the even more wicked peoples that preceded them:
    
“Not for thy righteousness, or for the uprightness of thine heart, dost thou go to possess their land: but for the wickedness of these nations the Lord thy God doth drive them out from before thee.” (Deuteronomy 9:5)

The Layperson’s Bible: Sexual Behavior Part IV – The Lesser Offenses

As we have seen, one of the Bible’s recurring concerns is with what might be termed the sexual offenses, some of the most notable of which are homosexuality, adultery, and incest. However, Biblical teaching also concerns itself with a wide range of lesser sexual offenses, admonishing its readers:

“Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things: for in all these the nations are defiled which I cast out before you:
And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.” (Leviticus 18:24-25)


Thus, according to the Lord, sexual misbehavior is one of the causes for which the current residents are to be expelled from what is to be the land of the Israelites, a theme which traces back even to the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Committing sexual offenses is not merely sinful, but defiles the very land on which it occurs in much the same way that the spilling of innocent blood does. And it appears that in Biblical times, a nation that defiled its land might be deemed unworthy to live upon it. 

This is not so illogical once you realize that sex itself is seen as a source of “uncleanness” for the persons engaging in it:

“And if any man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even.
And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.
The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even. (Leviticus 15:16-18)


One wonders whether this is the source of the practice, still frequently observed in the modern world, of showering after sex. Of course, no amount of showering could rid a woman of the uncleanness of menstruation, a condition that was apparently so offensive that everything a menstruating woman touched was considered unclean:

“And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even.
And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean.
And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.
Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation.
And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.
But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean.” (Leviticus 15:19-28)


Indeed, sex during menstruation appears to be a sin almost as wicked as incest, and which calls for a similar punishment:

“And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.” (Leviticus 20:18)

“And if a man shall take his sister, his father’s daughter, or his mother’s daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister’s nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.” (Leviticus 20:17)

Of course, in ancient times, menstruation was far less common. If you get married at thirteen and, if fertile, spend most of your life having children until you die an early death in the very act of childbirth, your normal cycle just doesn’t kick in as often as it does today.  

But the “uncleanness” of women does not extend merely to menstruation. As we have previously noted, although the big Biblical bugaboo regarding men concerns male homosexuality, there seems to be little concern in the Bible over homosexuality among women. There is, however, ample discussion of prostitution, almost as if, on the scale of sin, being a whore is the female equivalent of being a male homosexual:

“There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.” (Deuteronomy 23:17)

And again there is the reference to the land, as if the land itself might be defiled by the acts of its residents:

“Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.” (Leviticus 19:29)

Transvestitism, also, was apparently not unknown in Biblical times:

“The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.” (Deuteronomy 22:5)

I’m not sure whether the transgendered individuals of today should be discouraged by being termed “abominations,” or heartened by the fact that people have evidently been struggling with gender issues for at least two millennia. 

But perhaps the crown of interesting sexual prohibitions in the Bible is the stricture against bestiality, a capital offense on an equivalent with homosexuality and punishable by death. It’s actually mentioned at least five times (Exodus 22:19, Deuternomony 27:21, Leviticus 18:23, and Leviticus 20:15 and 20:16), which makes one wonder whether the act was either really offensive or really common among the people of the time.

“And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.
And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” (Leviticus 20:15-16)

“Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.” (Leviticus 18:23)

Confusion isn’t quite the word I would use to describe it, but I do question whether it was really fair to slay the beast if the person ravaging the beast was clearly at fault. Perhaps lost somewhere in the sands of time was an exemption for non-consenting beasts. Or maybe the point was to ensure that any animal that was so enticing to humans be merely obliterated from the planet and thus cease to pose a temptation to God’s allegedly more intelligent creatures.

It is also interesting to note the types of sexual behaviors that the Bible does not prohibit. Nowhere, for instance, is oral sex mentioned, much less forbidden. Neither are threesomes or varieties thereof; nor, for that matter, in spite of the Bible’s pervasive homosexual dread, is anal sex between a man and a woman ever addressed. Had these practices merely not been invented yet, or were they actually not frowned upon? Presumably we shall never know. But if nothing else, the Biblical catalogue of sexual offenses makes one thing clear: ancient peoples participated in sexual behaviors that were as kinky and unpredictable as those in the pornography of today, and subject to as much ongoing debate.   

The Layperson’s Bible: In Which Moses Argues with God

I’ll probably never be able to stop picturing Moses as a strangely-altered version of Charlton Heston. For many years The Ten Commandments was to Easter what It’s a Wonderful Life is to Christmas: the one super-long movie your folks would let you stay up to watch even though it went on way past your bedtime.

Of course, at the time I didn’t see that there was anything all that special about Moses; he was just the guy who led the Israelis out of bondage in Egypt, which was cool enough in itself. But on reading The Bible many years later, it became apparent to me that what was really unique about Moses was his relationship with God. Because not only did Moses have what might be called a direct line to the Almighty, he actually had the power to influence the Lord’s decisions and behavior.

Now if you sit down and read the Old Testament, it becomes readily apparent that the Hebrews aren’t exactly quick to pick up what the Lord is putting down. I mean, although they are undoubtedly grateful for their deliverance, the living conditions while they’re wandering about the wilderness aren’t all that fantastic, and naturally as time goes on some of the people begin to wonder if their interests might be better served by worshipping some other god. In fact, during the very forty days and nights in which Moses is up on the mountain receiving the Commandments, the people have already grown impatient with their missing prophet and the God he’s been promoting:

“And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.
And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.
And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.” (Exodus 32:1-4)


It sounds ridiculous now, of course, the whole golden calf thing, and God, it seems, isn’t too pleased about it either. In fact, he gets really mad. So mad, in fact, that he asks Moses to go away so that he can brood in peace:

“And the Lord said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves: (Exodus 32:7)
Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them…” (Exodus 32:10)


But Moses isn’t the prophet of the Lord for nothing. In fact, he’s pretty clever about it; counting on God’s ongoing concern for His reputation to dissuade him from vengeance:

“And Moses besought the Lord his God, and said, Lord, why doth thy wrath wax hot against thy people, which thou hast brought forth out of the land of Egypt with great power, and with a mighty hand?Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people.
Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, thy servants, to whom thou swarest by thine own self, and saidst unto them, I will multiply your seed as the stars of heaven, and all this land that I have spoken of will I give unto your seed, and they shall inherit it for ever.
And the Lord repented of the evil which he thought to do unto his people. (Exodus 32:11-14)


That’s a switch. It’s usually sinners who repent; how often do you hear of the Lord repenting? But of course, as time passes, the Israelites continue to act in ways that God finds reprehensible, and He… well, let’s just say He gets a bit testy with them. And once again it becomes Moses’ job to act as the go-between the Lord and the people: persuading the people to attempt to obey, and the Lord to forgive them when they fail. Thus when the Israelites are again complaining that the Lord has delivered them out of Egypt merely to die in the wilderness, it is to Moses that the Lord turns to vent his rage:

“And the Lord said unto Moses, How long will this people provoke me? and how long will it be ere they believe me, for all the signs which I have shewed among them?
I will smite them with the pestilence, and disinherit them…” (Numbers 14:11-12)


Moses again plays the losing-face-in-front-of-the-Egyptians card, arguing that if God destroys the Hebrews, the Egyptians will hear about it and say:

“Because the Lord was not able to bring this people into the land which he sware unto them, therefore he hath slain them in the wilderness.” (Numbers 14:16)

And in case the force of this argument isn’t solid enough to persuade the Lord away from his wrath, Moses supplants it with humility; even a little flattery:

“Pardon, I beseech thee, the iniquity of this people according unto the greatness of thy mercy, and as thou hast forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now.” (Numbers 14:19)

Yet even Moses’ influence with the Lord is limited, and, in the end, after all he has done to promote the ways of God, he too is punished for a seemingly minor infraction, and must die before entering the holy land:

“Because ye trespassed against me among the children of Israel at the waters of Meribah-Kadesh, in the wilderness of Zin; because ye sanctified me not in the midst of the children of Israel.
Yet thou shalt see the land before thee; but thou shalt not go thither unto the land which I give the children of Israel.” (Deuteronomy 32:51-52)

Yet even this punishment may have impressed the people with the power of the Lord; even God’s most deserving servant cannot expect immunity for his transgressions. And there is no question that Moses’ unique position vis-à-vis the Lord served as the primary means by which the tribes were eventually brought around to following Him. The Lord of Moses did not exist as mere theory and speculation in some far-off realm beyond the earth; to the people He was real, a being to whom they could personally relate, and who, through His servant, made His presence tangibly known. And indeed, what could be more powerful than a God who tells you exactly what his expectations are? A God who prescribes His own offerings and details His prohibitions; who promises specific rewards for following His path. A God with an almost-human personality, who behaves like a ruler of men is expected to behave, even, at times, turning to a trusted adviser when uncertain of his way.

Moses’ fame as a prophet is therefore no doubt justified, for he did far more than bring his people to the Lord; he brought the Lord to the people:

“And there arose not a prophet since in Israel like unto Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face.” (Deuteronomy 34:10)