Past and Present

“It was lucky I forgot my keys,” her mother was saying, rubbing the raised scar between her daughter’s thumb and forefinger. “I came back and found you lying in a pool of blood.”

“I don’t remember that,” Gloria answered, astonished that such a noteworthy event had slipped from her mental grasp.

“Well, it was several years ago. You were only five then.”

“How did it happen?” the child inquired curiously, still struggling to picture herself prone in that gruesome pool.

“I don’t know exactly. I think you were playing with scissors. They were those rounded ones they let you use in kindergarten, but somehow you got them in there good.”

An image burst into her mind. The scissors in her right fist, attempting a difficult cut, snapping suddenly towards the web in the crook of her left hand. And then darkness.

“I found them afterwards on the floor. Your sister, of course, was nowhere to be found,” her mother continued bitterly.

Of course not. Her sister, eight years older, was often stuck babysitting her while their mom was at work, and was never very enthusiastic about the job. Gloria had numerous scars from lacerations that had probably needed stitches that her sister had merely slapped a band-aid over.

“An artery runs through there,” her mom was explaining. “That’s why it bled so much.”

She remembered now, what she had been doing. It was the homemade wrapping-paper. She’d taken some of her white lined school paper and drawn pictures on it. Pictures of what? She thought hard. What had the present been for?

Seasonal pictures, that was it. Pictures of Christmas, of fat gift-boxes and skinny stick-figure Santas and reindeer with glowing noses and Christmas trees rife with ornaments that glowed even brighter, crayon yellow and red and orange. Sloppily drawn but carefully colored, and then cut to fit, cut to fit the present itself.

“What was the present?” she asked abruptly.

“What present?” her mom replied, bewildered.

“I was making wrapping-paper. For a present. I think it was for you. I remember now.”

Her mother shook her head. “I don’t know, dear. I don’t remember seeing a package anywhere.”

What had the present been? Something childish, no doubt. A ceramic ashtray, maybe a milk carton with dirt and a single flower growing in it. Funny how she remembered the wrapping-paper but not the present. As if the paper were the more impressive part of the gift. Perhaps it had been.

What had happened to it? There must have been blood all over it. After she’d worked so hard to make it pretty, to make it nice, for it to get all bloody and then disappear without a trace. It was a darned shame.

“I really wish I knew what happened to it,” she said aloud.

“You nearly died, Gloria,” her mother said emphatically, as if her daughter was missing the point of the story.

“But I didn’t,” Gloria answered, equally certain that her mother was missing the point as well.

***

This story is based almost word for word on one of my own childhood memories. I discovered a strange scar between my thumb and forefinger when I was about eight and my mom told me how I had severed an artery with a pair of kindergarten scissors and nearly died. And at that point I realized that I did sort of remember that — that is, I remembered up until the moment of the cut. I was handmaking wrapping paper for a Christmas present — drawings on lined school paper — and somehow sliced my hand open. My mom had already left for work, but she’d forgotten something and came back upstairs to find me “lying in a pool of blood.” That mental image has really stuck with me all these years.

I tried in this piece to put a more positive spin on the memory. As an adult, I understand now that all a parent would see was the blood; the sight of your daughter dying in the kitchen. To the child, however, it was all about the present.

***

“Past and Present” originally appeared in The Avalon Literary Review in August 2013 as the 3rd place winner of their quarterly contest. It is one of the stories featured in my autobiographical short story and essay collection Stories from My Memory-Shelf: Fiction and Essays from My Past, now available in eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($6.99) at retailers worldwide. For more information, please visit the book’s webpage or subscribe to my newsletter.

11 thoughts on “Past and Present

  1. D.G.Kaye

    Perfect example of how each person interprets their own memories for their own memoir. Although one would expect a mother to remember a lot more details about such an incident. :( I hear your message. I had a similar mother. :)

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    Reply
    1. lorilschafer Post author

      That duality of viewpoint can be fascinating, can’t it? Not right and not wrong, just different. My guess is that if we interrogated our parents about incidents from our childhood and teen years, we’d be horrified by what they saw vs. what we did :)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    1. lorilschafer Post author

      Oh yeah, isn’t that annoying? The worst part is when two people have slightly different recollections of what happened – and then not only do you have to re-hash the whole event, you have to argue over who’s right or wrong about this or that detail.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Sarah Brentyn

    I love reading your “based on a true story” pieces. (Like the “Found Money” story.) I often find bits of my life in my fiction. Other times, of course, it’s complete fiction but, there are times when fiction flows so nicely from nonfiction.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. TanGental

      Yep, I’m with Sarah; a lot of my fiction starts in fact, often the setting – and it is a complaint amongst my beta readers to say more about the setting and sense of place because, being so familiar to me in my head I omit to describe it to others. These are powerful pieces, showing how memories are shaped; but for the parental jog I wonder what you would have come up with for the scar?

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      1. lorilschafer Post author

        I’ve made the exact same error – not describing something fully because it’s so clear to me in my head. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that readers don’t know what that boyfriend you had in the third grade looked like :) And actually, I didn’t realize it was a scar – it was a creepy little bump that I figured was just a skin abnormality. Oddly enough, it finally fell off maybe ten years ago. Now I wonder how THAT happened!

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    2. lorilschafer Post author

      Yes, sometimes life itself can provide a lot of great ideas. My only problem is sometimes I get stuck clinging too tightly to the “truth” in these stories. Then I have to remind myself, It’s okay, this is fiction – you can make stuff up if you need to! Fortunately in this piece I didn’t have to. :)

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